


Safehouse

by Chocolate3271



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23121562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chocolate3271/pseuds/Chocolate3271
Summary: "Detective, why are you here at this late hour?"Jake failed them both. Now he grapples with the weight of guilt.A dark AU of the Safehouse episode.
Relationships: Kevin Cozner/Ray Holt, Ray Holt & Jake Peralta
Comments: 4
Kudos: 73





	Safehouse

Rain pelted the windshield of Jake’s green mustang. The driver, a detective at the 99th precinct of New York City, lost in thought as he traveled down an empty street. In his passenger’s seat was a bottle of whiskey, a nine mil handgun and a police badge on a chain. The dim headlights lit the road ahead as Jake stared straight ahead. The car stops in front of a run down blue house. Jake looks up at the house and a heavy feeling fills him. He hated this place. He hated it with every fiber in his being but this was the place he needed to be tonight. Taking a deep breath, he steps from the car and stares up at the house. 

The blue paint on the house was faded and beginning to peel. The fence around it was broken and falling apart. Jake walks through the broken gate dragging his fingers across the fractured wood. He could feel the cold whiskey bottle wrapped in his fingers. His breath was already tinted with the taste of alcohol. Ever since that damn case he has been drinking heavily. It was the only thing that could dull his pain and silence the guilt that was eating him inside. 

Jake reaches the door of the house. The old crime scene seal was still on the door. The words long faded away. The crime scene in this house was released almost a year ago. The house had once been a safe house so once it was exposed, it was no longer used. He was pretty sure that the NYPD still owned the house but it sat untouched. Jake cut the seal and entered the house. As soon as he stepped in he felt a cold draft. A shiver runs up his spine. The things that happened in this house would always haunt him. 

Stepping into the living room Jake looks around. The carpet was long faded and caked with dust. The furniture in the room had a thick layer of dust. Moving through the living room he steps into the dining room. His eyes find the square of tap on the carpet. The adhesive on the tape started to break down causing the corners of the tap to come up. Jake plops down in a dusty arm chair. His eyes were glued to the square on the floor. He cracks open the whiskey and takes a swing. The alcohol burned as it went down his throat. Staring at the floor all Jake could hear was his captain’s voice repeating the same words over and over again. He could clearly remember standing in that exact square with the captain and his husband. He remembers thinking that the security precautions were way over the top. The captain tells him a scenario of the worst.

_ You just killed Kevin.  _

Captain Holt had a propensity to be right. It was very annoying to Jake. This time however Jake wanted him to be wrong. This one time, couldn’t he be wrong, this one damn time. 

_ He bled out in your lap. _

The shot had come out of nowhere. One moment they were watching another Nic Cage movie,the next the shot came through the window. 

It was after dark so they were allowed to close the blinds and stand up in the living room. Kevin was standing behind the couch and watching the movie. Like usual he was making critical remarks about the film. Jake knew this was only to keep himself sane. He was right in the middle of a remark about face swapping technology when he went down.

Jake takes another swing of his whiskey. The look on Kevin’s face still burnt into his mind. He would never forget the feel of Kevin’s blood soaking his hands as he begged him to stay or the tears that burned his eyes. He would always be haunted by the image of the light in Kevin’s green eyes fading away as he breathed his last breath. 

In all the movies Jake had watched, every death was accompanied by a dying decree ot one last I love you but not Kevin. No last words, no final decrees. Kevin died with a look of fear in his eyes. In a puddle of his own blood, in the arms of the detective who was supposed to protect him.

_ What are you doing here at this late hour? _

Jake clutched the bottle of whiskey as his mind once again took him back to that rainy night in front of his captain's house. 

He didn’t know what time it was. It wasn’t sure how he got to where he was. His clothes were damp with rain water and blood. His legs shook as he approached the house. 

Jake looks at the palm of his hand. He could still feel the weight of Kevin’s ring. He could still feel the shaking from that night. Every detail about that night was clear to him but the thing that would haunt him the most was the look on his captain’s face. 

_ Whose blood is that?  _

Jake took one last swing of whiskey to finish off the bottle. Taking the bottle in his hand he threw it at the wall. He watched it shattered as it struck the wall. The glass shattered all over the tape square. Fresh tears welled up in Jake’s eyes. 

_ It’s Kevin’s? _

It was the look on his captain’s face that broke him. He has made notifications before but this one broke him. 

_ This is devastating.  _

Holt had just opened the door and when he saw Jake, he knew. At that moment, the emotionless captain broke. Jake had watched as a broken look ran across his captain’s face. At that moment Jake felt the weight of his failure. 

He was supposed to protect Kevin. He was supposed to keep him safe. Now, because of him the love of Holt’s life was gone and it was all his fault. 

_ I’m inconsolable.  _

While that last part wasn’t true, it was to an extent it was. After Kevin’s death, Holt returned to work only after a few days of grievance time. The squad knew it was too soon but let him stay. He was drowning and the deafening sound of silence at home was too much to bear. For days Holt was no longer the captain they once knew. He was distracted and no longer seemed to care. He would show up to work unshowered with stains on his uniform. He had stopped eating causing his uniform to begin to bag on him. 

The day they found Murphy was the breaking point for their captain. Hot tears stung Jake’s eyes as he relieved that day over and over. 

They had charged Murphy’s warehouse. They had been arresting perps when the shot went off. The squad had run towards it only to find their captain standing over Seamus Murphy who had a fresh bullet hole in his head. Holt’s gun still aimed at him. Upon seeing his squad Holt dropped his gun and put his hands up. 

Tears leaked down Jake’s face as the look on Holt’s face haunted him. 

Jake would never be able to shake the sight of that moment. There could have been a number of reasons why this could be a clean shoot but deep down they all knew it wasn’t. Holt had killed the man who murdered his husband. 

An investigation had followed and deemed the shoot a clean shoot due to the gun Murphy was concealing. Jake knew that Holt didn’t care that he had a gun. He had gone in intending to kill Seamus Murphy. 

The tears were now racing down Jake’s cheeks. The burning alcohol hadn’t been able to kill the pain. Captain Holt was gone because of him. 

_ And now I’ve killed myself.  _

Jake looks at the gun next to him. He picks it up feeling the cool barrel in his hand. It looked so easy. A way out. That must have been what Holt was thinking. Captain Raymond Holt would never put a gun to his head and Jake knew this. 

Unlike his prediction Holt didn’t immediately kill himself. He had chosen to give his life to save a life. That life he had saved was Jake’s. The guilt that racked his body was now almost unbearable. 

It had been a warehouse raid. Holt had his six. Jake had thought the area was clear. He didn’t even realize he had a gun to him until it went off. He had been expecting to feel pain but felt nothing as someone jumped in front of him at the last second. Jake had watched in horror as his captain went down right in front of him. 

Jake’s cries for his captain to stay with him echoed in his mind. The cries had morphed into an apology for getting his husband killed. Then something happened that Jake would never forget. Holt had reached up and wiped a tear away from Jake’s face. 

Hot tears now flowed from Jake’s eyes as he dropped to his knees and squeezed his eyes shut. A warm feeling filled him. An inner peace had taken over him. All the guilt he had been holding in had begun to dissolve. He felt his tears being wiped away. He realized what the feeling was and he just knew. He has been forgiven. Kevin forgave him. Holt forgave him. 

Jake forgave himself. 

He suddenly had the strength to get up off his knees. Letting the gun slide from his hand, Jake walked away from the house on to tomorrow. 

  
  
  



End file.
